Frustration tolerance: why is it so important and what does it have to do with reactivity
Frustration tolerance is something that sounds very abstract but is a reason to many problematic behaviors in dogs. In fact, I’d say that from all the reactive dogs I’ve been dealing with, in 9 out of 10 cases, low frustration tolerance was the problem we had o work on. In this article, I would explain you what does it mean, what are the typical myths about it, what does it have to do with reactivity and, of course, how to improve it.
Frustration tolerance is an ability to live through and accept a feeling of not getting what you wanted.
From human experience, examples that may help you understand this concept better, would be:
Imagine knowing that there is an event / party you’d rather visit going on, but you have to finish your work.
Imagine being on a diet and limiting your sugar intake and passing by a bakery with freshly prepared sweets.
Try to remember events from your life when someone rejected you: your ex-partner told you about the break up; a potential employer declined your application; your friend didn’t invite you somewhere you’d rather be.
Frustration is a part of life. It’s an emotion that arises when you don’t get what you want. We’ve all experienced it and went through it more or less successfully. Frustration has different faces — it’s a complex emotional response connected with feelings of irritation, anger, disappointment and sadness.
In dogs, we speak about frustration when they “act out”, it can look many different ways from whining, barking and jumping around to screaming, biting and hurting oneself. We understand that this is frustration only when we have the context. Without extra information, you can’t really say why is a dog whining: are they in pain, scared or frustrated.
Typical misconceptions about frustration tolerance:
Frustration tolerance and impulse control are the same. Not true. Impulse control is an ability of a dog to not react to a trigger (say, when a cat is jumping on the street in front of them). Frustration tolerance is an ability to cope with hard feelings. These two things overlap a lot, but impulse control is about an action whereas frustration tolerance is about a state of mind.
Asking a dog to sit when you put their food bowl down will improve their frustration tolerance. Not true. This will improve their “Sit” command and probably their basic obedience. What’s crucial is that frustration tolerance is accepting that you can’t get something — not sitting pretty until you’re allowed to have it. Frustration tolerance has nothing to do with commands.
Frustration tolerance can be trained using positive reinforcement only. Not true. As I’ve mentioned in the previous part, it is about one’s ability to stay calm when you can’t get what you want. You can’t train it through giving the dog what they want.
Frustration and reactivity
When dogs can’t get what they want, and can’t cope with that, they act out of feelings we’ve already talked about. A typical picture is: your dog barks, jumps and pulls on the leash when they see another dog but if you let them come closer, they’re all friendly and playful. They can react the same way at humans if they desperately want human attention. Most probably, the main reason behind your dog’s reactivity is low frustration tolerance if:
They bark at other dogs / humans on the leash and distance but are never aggressive in close & direct communication.
Their reaction is worse if you withhold them from the dogs / humans they know and had good experience with.
They start reacting (barking, jumping, pulling on the leash and so on) when you take them away from dogs / humans they were playing / cuddling with.
Most probably, they show similar behaviors in various situations (say, not only when you pass other dogs but also when you don’t let them off leash in the park they’re used to playing in).
How to improve frustration tolerance
Many dogs learn this skill throughout life, seamlessly. In many cases, though, they need help and deliberate practice to get better. Good news is: it can be taught and improved. Bad news is: sometimes behavior turns into a habit and we have to work not only with the reason but also with the symptom / side effect directly.
An approach we would implement in training is: pointing out frustrating situations from easy to difficult; once or twice a day, going into a situation where your dog is frustrated, waiting for them to calm down, and then going out of the situation.
Some examples for you:
Sparkle loved playing with other dogs in a park by the house. Every time they walked by the park, Sparkle would pull towards it, jump forward and bark if her owner had to stop on the traffic light or slowed down; sometimes she would bite the leash. Training plan included going towards the park and once Sparkle starts pulling (minor reaction), the owner had to find a safe place to stop and not move. She waited while Sparkle was pulling and jumping — until the dog would lay down and look relaxed. Then they would turn around and continue their walk a different direction. With time, distance to the park became smaller, and Sparkle was able to calmly pass it by and even stay relaxed if her owner entered it and sat on a bench instead of letting Sparkle off leash to play.
Sam would love to sit with their owner on a terrace and started barking if the owner accidentally closed the doors without letting Sam out. Training plan included that the owner would 3-4 times a week go out on a terrace and left Sam locked inside. Once Sam stopped barking and looked chill, the owner would come back inside.
Tricky part is: we don’t want to overstimulate the dog — that’s why we carefully choose situations, setting and duration. If your dog can’t calm down, it means you’ve pushed too far.
Please, if you know that your dog has a problem with frustration tolerance, don’t just start this training by yourself. Contact a professional to create a plan together. This is absolutely necessary if your dog may hurt you, other humans, dogs or oneself when getting frustrated.
